Light at the End of the Tunnel

Have you ever ran into a friend or acquaintance who asks, “how is it going?” and you have had an epic day on the on the scale of terrible?  Instead of updating them on all the things that went wrong, you smile and say, “I’m doing great” then immediately change the subject.  That happened a lot during my last cycle.

I started cycle 4 of 6 with a port infection.  To treat that, I had to go to KU Med every day for 4-5 hours to get an IV of vincomyacin for 14 days.  Yes, that included weekends.  After my first treatment, I broke out into hives all over my body.  Instead of changing my medication, the nurses slowed the IV drip from a 1 hour IV to 2 hours.  The rest of the 4-5 hours were consumed by premeds, waiting room time, and nurse taking turns trying to get a good IV in my veins (we could not use my port since it was infected).  Apparently, I have small veins that blow easily (event in the middle of an IV- ouch!!!) coupled with the harsh medicines.  Once, I went in for vinco and warned the nurse that I was a ‘hard stick’ (that is my way of saying, I’m out of veins, if you are not a pro, please get someone who is), her response was, “oh, it could not be as bad as the person who was stuck 6 times by 4 different nurses.”  My response was, “that was me.”  On day 13 of vinco, I say goodbye and had surgery to have my port removed.  This means that I no longer need to wear bandages at the base of my neck to cover my port line that was trying to poke through the skin.  Needless to say, between the Benadryl, vinco, and chemo, those 2 weeks were a challenge and I am happy that it is done.

This was the day I got stuck 6 times for 1 IV- ouch!
(I am pointing to the bandage that already came off)

When I met with my doctor last Wednesday, the remainder of my plan of treatment changed.  I had 2 cycles left (2 sets of 3 treatments), instead of taking 6 more treatments, my doctor ordered 2 ‘helluva’ treatments, basically combining 3 treatments into 1.  This will reduce the amount of times I need to get stuck to take chemo in my arm vein- taking chemo through an arm IV is also damaging to the veins and dangerous since my veins blow in the middle of IV’s, harming the tissue.  Some of the veins in my arms are have turned different colors and I have thrombosis (blood clots in veins) in my arms, which is painful.  It will also help minimize the long term effects of the steroids and chemo.  I won’t find out the results from the P10 test for a bit longer.  So far, I do have a lot of hair left on my head (it is just really thin and probably needs a cut- but not looking like the creepy skeleton from Tales of the Crypt), it was supposed to fall out after my 3^rd cycle, but it is still here.  During my conversation with my doctor, she looked at me with a serious look and said, “your hair WILL fall out.”  My response was, “sounds good.”

I did get a bittersweet 'gift' of an additional week off from chemo.  I have been ill with a runny nose and sore throat for the past 9 days, my lab results came back with numbers that would not qualify for me to take chemo today.  So, my doctor changed some meds and added another to fight the congestion and get me as healthy as possible before I take the ‘helluva’ chemo next Monday.  This is the first time I have had 2 off weeks in a row and I am looking forward to getting some things done in preparation for the crazy holidays.        

Again, thank YOU for all the prayers and support.  I have had help from friends and family along the way, I am so grateful for everything.  I have heard that people change after having cancer (and probably other life changing events), I don’t think that is necessarily true.  It depends on the person and their willingness to let go of control and accept God’s plan for you.  When I spent 2 weeks at the cancer center, I was surrounded by cancer patients and their families every day.  This is my inconvenience, but for some, this is their life, or end of life.  One Saturday morning as I stood in line at the elevator I talked to a patient (I normally keep to myself when I am there).  She said she has had 56 cycles (I have 6) and she was planning to get as much as she can get, that is when I realized she was terminal.  On the way out of a couple chemo treatments, I saw a mom with a 9 month old baby boy with a port installed on the side of his head behind his ear.  Sitting in the waiting room for treatment, surrounded by bald heads and sick people with masks covering their mouths, you are saddened because life can be so tragic.  So I’m not going to give the ‘ life every day to its fullest’ speech, I really don’t believe in it.  For me, that would be irresponsible J.  Just know that things could always be worse.  There are some things we can control, some we cannot, and it is important to know the difference between the two.  No matter what, you have choices.  Don’t spend any time complaining about what you cannot control, all you can do is change your attitude about it and focus on the important things in life.  I have not mastered that, but it is something to work towards.