I
hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and a great start to the New
Year. I have been able to start 2013 with a brief sigh of relief, since
last Wednesday was last scheduled chemo treatment, and latest doctor’s
appointment. OMG- I am proud to say that I finished 6 full cycles of
chemo!! Though it is Monday evening, and I am still really tired and
nauseous, I am feeling better every day post chemo. My last two cycles were the
3-in-1 ‘helluva treatments.’ The first was on December 10th and the second was
January 2nd. It was
decided to combine 3 treatments (1 cycle) into 1 large treatment to reduce
the amount of times I receive chemo through my veins to reduce the chance thrombosis
and phlebitis caused by vein injection (as opposed to port) chemo. I also requested to be injected via IV
treatment over a 6 hour prior versus 5 hour. Believe it or not, 1 hour can
really make a difference on the pain I feel at the injection site and in
my arm after chemo. In addition I have added Advil to my daily pill
regimen, and use a heating pad on my arms to ease the pain. Unfortunately,
I have to put on my ‘tough girl panties’ and grin and bear it until the pain
goes away. My eyes are still watering quite a bit, so I do often look like I am crying which is always fun. On a side note,
my hair has not fallen out, just has become really thin. To avoid scaring
the kids and looking like the crypt keeper from “Tales from the Crypt,” Andrew
helped me shave my head (for all the guys out there who would know razor
levels, he shaved it to a ‘5’ so I was not completely bald) to make it look
presentable. It was nice to have some
warmth from the cold air. Andrew also shaved his head recently to show
his support. The ‘bald’ guys at work joke and say that it just not fair
that I get 6 cycles of chemo and still have more hair than them. I tell
them that it is just not fair to have breast cancer after breastfeeding 3 babies :).
Picture of the nail dammage-
Picture of the nail dammage-
Picture of the thrombosis and phlebitis-
At
my most recent doctor’s appointment, we discussed the my future and the
likelihood of reoccurrence. Apparently, even if you have a double
mastectomy, that does not mean that breast cancer cannot return somewhere else
in the body later. This normally takes place within the first 2, and after
5 years of no reoccurrence. After
that, you can claim yourself as being cured- a word I am patiently waiting to
hear. I was told that statistically speaking, someone who is
diagnosed with my stage of cancer and receives chemo treatment has a 20% chance
of relapse. However, since I am 30 years old, my breast cancer is HER+,
and has shown itself to be aggressive, my chances of relapse are greater. That
said, my doctor is being very proactive and ordering a type of pathological
gateway test that will assist her in determining if any proactive measure are
needed. As you can guess, the measures include more chemo (likely 4 more cycles of a different type of chemo), something I was not excited to hear. After
going through these last two big treatments, I really don’t want to do the
Chemo ‘thing’ again, but will obviously do what is recommended. In
regards to radiation, the biopsy results from my mastectomy will determine
whether I will need it or not, the good news is that my doctor believes that I
will not need it (I hope I didn’t just jinx myself!).
One
of the things that most people do not understand, or even know of, is the term
‘chemo brain.’ Just as much as chemo stinks, chemo brain is brutal.
It is this ‘fog’ that you have while going through treatment. It makes it
hard to concentrate, learn new things, get organized, causes pseudo short term
memory loss, short attention span, issues multi-tasking, and even offers a
challenge with having simple discussions with others. I am a “recovering
Type-A-er,” so living with chemo brain for the past 6 months has been tough….
all goes back to letting go and focusing on the most important things. If you do the most important things well, the rest will fall into place. I
have decided that if I had to pick and choose between either my body falling a
part, or my brain going coo-coo later in life, I think I’d rather my body go,
there will probably be good medications by then to fix my body :). I think Andrew can
attest to some frustrating moments consisting of… “remember when I told
you…” or the misplacing of items (Kitchen shears in the trash can being
the latest casualty). To date, I think I have done a pretty
good job of not allowing myself to fall behind by forgetfulness, and staying
up with my famous ‘to-do lists’ to keep me on track, but I am very thankful for everyone’s sense of
humor and forgiveness through this time, especially Andrew. He has done
an amazing job managing everything, I am so blessed to have him as my
husband.
My
mastectomy is scheduled for early next month, February 5th to be
exact. The 5th is also Andrew’s official 30th
birthday. Andrew says he is excited that the surgery falls on his
birthday because he says he was told by a very special friend, a few years back, that
he will be lucky in life, and he feels that there is a special reason/meaning
for his birthday wish this year :).
This surgery will entail 2 surgeons, and roughly 7 hours under full anesthesia to
complete a double mastectomy, port installation (yes, with the chances of more
chemo and the status of my veins, I am taking my chances), removal of right
axillary lymph nodes, and installation of expanders for reconstruction. I
was told recovery will take 3-6 weeks – of course I am aiming for 3
weeks. I am blessed to have my sister Katie coming in town to help
Andrew with the kids and house, along with the pleasure of changing my drain
tubes and other exciting activities that go along with caring for someone who
just had surgery. My mother-in-law Cindy is going to carry on my sisters
tasks after she returns home to NC. I am pretty anxious about the
surgery, and my pain tolerance has never been high, so I am trying not to think
about it- just go through the motions and trust that everything will be
ok. I did hear that mastectomy recovery is quicker if you are in good shape prior
to surgery. So, of course, once the effects of my Neulasta shot wear off
more, I am hitting the gym hard. It is mastectomy training time…….bring
it!
Before
I sign off from this post, I want to thank everyone who has supported me
through the first phase of my journey. I am so blessed to have so
many amazing people in my life. I know I keep saying this, but I truly
mean it. SO much support… from dinners, gift cards, prayers, phone calls,
simple emails, a kind smile, and more. We even had a special surprise
from a secret Santa – obviously this person or persons wanted to remain
anonymous, but if you are reading this just know you touched my heart in such a
way I will never forget. When I think about life in its simplest form, I
think of the relationships I have built, no matter how large or small.
From those relationships I have made wonderful memories. They are what I
think about when I close my eyes and reflect. I look forward to
many more……..Happy 2013, it is going to be a GREAT year!
