"It's Complicated"

My 3^rd cycle of chemo is now over and I am in my ‘off week’ until Monday when I begin cycle 4 of 6 cycles total given everything continues to go well.  I have officially hit my ½ mark of chemo (yay!).   Chemo is compounded and I am really the feeling side effects.  No longer am I just tired and nauseous the days following chemo, I am exhausted (staying up past 8pm is a challenge) and nauseous days 1-6 after chemo. My first 2 cycles were on Thursday or Friday each week.  There is no such thing as recovering from chemo over the weekend- chasing kids, running up and down the stairs, weekend activities (trying to keep life normal for the kids),  etc.  I started doing my chemo on Mondays so I could recover at work with my laptop and drawers full of nausea friendly foods and endless ice water.  To date, I have continued my normal workload and schedule at work.   Starting last week I began to take Thursdays off for rest.  On my first Thursday off, I slept until 2:00pm,  and it was amazing.  As a ‘narcoleptic wife,’ I am very lucky that Andrew is a Tony Danza plus when it comes to being super dad, husband, employee, home maker, yard warrior, and Betty Crocker just to name a few roles he plays. 

I had a doctors appointment Wednesday.  It started with a labs, an sonogram, and then the appointment.  The good news…… the sonogram showed NO abnormal lymph nodes, meaning to the eye they look cancer free.  As for where the cancer mass that was in my breast, there is no verdict.  Sounds odd, and the reason is because after the excisional biopsy (removed the mass but not clear margins around the mass where cancer could have lived as well- so different from a lumpectomy), the place where the mass used to occupy filled with fluid, which is part of the healing process.  The fluid goes away over time, but is still present making it hard to see much of anything.  I will know more after my next ultrasound, after my next cycle.  As for my labs, my numbers continue to decrease.  My platelets have dropped to a very low level, which may explain my increasing fatigue.  The doctor recommended that I start working out to help me build energy naturally.  As a side note, I have gained about 10 lbs since I started chemo, so it may help with slowing the weight gain (mostly) induced by water retention and my new found steroid addiction.  My eyes have become watery a side effect of the Taxotere(chemo), so I get to take yet another steroid in the form of eye drops 2 time per day to reduce my chances of developing scar tissue in my tear ducts which would leave me with “dry eyes” after the treatment is done.   The last,  but most important information that we received while at my doctors appointment is that within the last 4 weeks, hard evidence has been validated to support that there is a P10 mutation that 30% of HER2+ breast cancer patients have that makes the very important drug  Herceptin ineffective.  Herceptin is a drug that I get through an IV with chemo that, in short, blocks the cancer cells from multiplying.  That means that we will not be trying to kill cancer cells with chemo as they multiply and travel to other places in my body.  The chemo kills the active cancer cells, the Herceptin keeps them from not multiplying, and through the natural life cycle of a cell, they die over time anyways. So what this means to me?  If I have this P10 mutation, the cancer is multiplying while we are trying to kill the cancer cells and I have been taking a drug that has serious side effects for no reason.  This study that my doctor discussed with Andrew and I basically said that with this P10 mutation, there is a high chance that I would go into remission for some or several years (even having a double mastectomy), and the cancer come back later somewhere else because it was never 100% eradicated.  To me, this is all very complex and with chemo brain, pictures and repetition helps understand it all.  To determine if I have this P10 mutation, my doctor is having tumor tissue, that was removed in July, sent to labs to have tests run to see if the P10 mutation exists.  If it does, the good news is that there are other drugs that can be administered with hereceptin that have proven to work (sigh of relief).    

Several people have asked me about what chemo, so we took some pictures to show you all what it is all about.  They are located on the link below if you'd like to see.  If you click on an actual picture, I enclosed some commentary about what is occurring in the picture.  

http://tcancersurvivor.shutterfly.com/pictures OR-

This is the port 'needle'-


All the gauze is called a 'dresssing,' it keeps me from getting infections-


The chemo nurses must wear this while administering my type of chemo-


And this is what I do while taking chemo-

 

Thursday I noticed that my port was bruised and the surrounding area was red.  When I woke up Friday morning, the entire area was red, swollen, and painful.  Early Friday morning I dropped off the kids and went to my doctors office.  From there, I had an ultrasound of the area to rule out a blood clot and identify any pockets of infection that they can biopsy.  The end result was a Radiologist’s recommendation to remove the port.  Instead my Surgeon decided to give me an antibiotic through an IV for 7 days starting Friday (today).   We went over the symptoms to look for in case the IV was ineffective and I needed surgery prior to my follow up appointment Monday.  My hope is that the IV works great and no surgery is necessary, though there is a strong possibility that I may still have to do surgery early next week.

Staying positive is key to healing and overall attitude, but the reality is still there.  The drugs and chemo take a toll on the body.  My nail beds hurt when I try to pick stickers off household items (thank you children:)). I cannot drink coffee, milk,  soda, and I cannot have my beloved ice cream…..all of which come at a very expensive cost lasting a couple days and it totally not worth it.  My Neulasta shot rocks my skeletal system to the point I can hardly sit, stand, or lay in one position for more then 20 minutes.  It hurts to go up or down stairs, walk, carry heavy items, etc. This lasts from day 3-5 after the shot is administered.   I love that shot for the white blood cells, so bring it.  Prior to this ‘inconvenience,’ I was on month 6 of Insanity and one of the best shapes of my post-baby life.  Since then I have gained weight, my cheeks are puffy from chemo, and have no time or energy to work out.  My clothes don’t fit and I refuse to bust out the maternity or get new clothes.  My hair is still falling out slowly, and I awake everyday  waiting for the big  clumps to fallout.  There is no anxiety about it, at this point it is a rite of passage, I earned the bald head, even if it is  just in time for winter.  I tell myself, this is all temporary, it will all go away and I can go back to being super mom, loving and equal wife, friend who calls back, FB posting, home improvement partner in crime, health maniac workout junkie, Barchers kids paparazzi again. 

In final, congratulations to my brother Jimmy and his wife Jenny (the new Jennifer Ziegler) on their marriage last weekend in the beautiful Florida Keys.  Thanks to a team of Skype professionals (you know who you are), I got to see their wedding from my computer via Skype since I was unable to attend.  I have gotten to see some pictures…..… man, I wish I could have been there.  I am pretty sad I was unable to attend, but with the Neulasta shot last week, the risk of infections from travel, and the distance to a medical facility if anything were to go awry, was a risk I couldn’t take.  At the end of the day, the Ziegler family gained a perfect addition to the family and my brother is happy ever after… I know my mom would have LOVED her.

Thank you ALL for the many prayers and support.  I am at a loss of words when I try to describe how amazing people are, even people I did not know very well prior to my diagnosis.  God has blessed me in so many ways, now I have to figure out what he wants me to do with the challenges he has placed in my hands.  Have a great next 4 weeks.